Mates and Dates Mates and Dates

In this episode, Ed and Sarah consider how relationships evolve as we age. Is there an expectation to change with our partners? How do we maintain wellness while juggling work, study and social life? Why is change so scary but necessary at the same time?

We talk to Oliver Levi-Malouf (aka drag queen Etcetera Etcetera) about all these things. They share how being a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under changed their life, and speak about the feelings of uncertainty and anticipation that come with being a young adult.

We hope you walk away from this episode knowing we’re all in this boat together.

Head To Health

https://www.headtohealth.gov.au/

Twenty10: LGBTQIA+ Support
A sydney-based service offering free, confidential counselling support for young people, particularly those in the LGBTQIA+ community.
8594 9555
Get Support - LGBTIQA

Friends Forever SBS Insight

Insight asks how can we maintain friendships through thick and thin and when should we walk away?

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/insight/tvepisode/friends-forever

You Are Here (For Now) by Adam J. Kurtz (Adam JK)

https://shop.adamjk.com/collections/books/products/you-are-here-for-now

I don’t know about you, but I have learnt more about sex, consent and pleasure from following experts on social media, than in 13 years of schooling. Shoutout to legends like Georgia Grace and Chantelle Otten who have dedicated their careers to providing us with the sex ed we never received! Here’s to no longer relying on the Dolly Doctor sealed section for crucial information! We’ve linked both of their Instagram handles in the show notes. Georgia also offers counselling sessions, group events, courses and other resources which you can check out through her website. Also, If you’re looking for more in-depth learning, The Modern Guide To Sex is a video course which offers tips on improving confidence, communication and practical exercises to level up your sex life. The course is $29 or free if you are a student. Curious to learn more about topics like online dating etiquette, ghosting and porn? We recommend checking out the Hook Up segment/podcast on Triple J which discusses all things love, sex and relationships. You can listen through Apple podcasts and ABC radio.

Finally, If you’re in need of medical support and are based in Sydney, Clinic 16 is a free, confidential sexual health service which offers counselling, testing and GP support.

The Hook Up:

https://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/the-hook-up-podcast/

Georgia’s Website:

https://www.georgiagraced.com

The Modern Guide to Sex Course:

https://itsnormal.com/products/how-to-have-sex?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NCP&utm_term=%7Bkeyword%7D&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6K3S_4Tq9AIV-YNLBR2zGg8zEAAYASAAEgLApPD_BwE

Clinic 16:

https://clinic16.com.au

Instagram Handles:

@gspot

@chantelle_otten_sexologist

In this episode Ed and Sarah talk about masculinity and why many young men struggle to have vulnerable conversations with mates or family. We’re joined by Al Green from The Man Cave, an organisation which facilitates programs to help reshape what young men in schools perceive to be masculinity. We are so excited to talk to Al and hear about his experiences from talking to thousands of young men and we hope you are able to incorporate some skills into your own lives.

Check out The Man Cave:

Instagram: @themancave_aus

Follow Mates & Dates:

Instagram: @matesanddates

TikTok: @matesanddatespodcast

TRIGGER WARNING  How do we know when a relationship becomes unhealthy? What is gaslighting? What do we do if our friend is in an abusive relationship? Family, individual and relationship therapist Greg Yee joins Sarah and Ed to broaden the narrow understanding of Domestic Violence. They talk about the harmful repercussions of using power to bypass dealing with shame and insecurities. Listen to Greg explain how to support a person in an abusive relationship and the advice he wished someone had given to his younger self. Now is the time to be developing healthy patterns of facing our insecurities.

Greg uses three continuums to explain the context in which Domestic Violence occurs


Continuum of self-worth
Continuum of interpersonal skills
Continuum of power

Check out Greg:

https://www.karunacentre.com.au/greg-yee.html

How to get a mental health care plan

https://headspace.org.au/blog/how-to-get-a-mental-health-care-plan/

1800 RESPECT

https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Relationships Australia

https://relationships.org.au/

See What You Made Me Do Documentary (in episode description)

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/program/see-what-you-made-me-do?gclid=Cj0KCQiAqbyNBhC2ARIsALDwAsCNUyTgxYyreKQKgPafYL-5ExD3Y6okPc73hWEE65Y8hn6HPn7BUPUaAnhtEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Hey everyone! If there’s one key takeaway from this episode, it’s that communication is a skill that requires consistent work and refinement! Today We chatted about Attachment Theory- if you are curious about your own attachment style, we have provided a link to an online quiz in the shownotes. Also, If you’d like to try out some of the communication approaches we discussed in your own relationships, Dragan recommends looking into the ‘Imago dialogue’’. This is a communication strategy which assigns each person either the role of ‘sender’ or ‘receiver’. The parties take turns to follow the three steps of mirroring, validating and empathising. We have linked a step-by-step guide to the Imago dialogue in the show notes so you can test it out in your own relationships. Finally, you’ll also find a Youtube video on Polyvgal Theory if you want to gain a deeper understanding of the way that trauma shapes our physiological responses.

Links:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-SVdQ-CHkA (Polyvagal Theory Video)
http://www.integralpsychology.org/uploads/1/5/3/0/15300482/the_imago_dialogue_101.pdf (The Imago Dialogue)
https://quiz.attachmentproject.com (Attachment Theory Quiz)
https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 (Attached Book)

This episode of mates and dates was hosted by Edward Giles and Genevieve Triemstra.

Producers are Sarah Siu and Dona Sirimanne

Executive producer is Stephanie Aceglav

Additional Production and mixing  by me, Nina Longfellow

Special thanks to Natalie Patterson, Lily Giles and Dragun Zan Wright

Check us out on instagram @matesanddates

Thanks for listening!

In this episode Ed and Dona dissect all things identity and sense of self. How do you know who you are? Is it a destination or a fluid process that is constantly evolving? To unpack all of this, we were joined by Maria Thatill. After winning Miss Universe Australia in 2020, Maria has advocated for inclusion and equality in her industry and beyond. She uses her platform to write, speak and create content around supporting diversity. That’s why we were so excited to chat with Maria about her experiences of being a first generation Australian and representing Australian beauty on a global scale.

Check out Maria:

Instagram: @mariathattil

Follow Mates & Dates:

Instagram: @matesanddates

TikTok: @matesanddatespodcast

Resources mentioned:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/internal-family-systems-therapy - basic article on it

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/moments-matter/201708/locus-control - locus of control

https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html - Also looking at psycho-social development stages (Erik Erikson)

https://www.verywellmind.com/freuds-stages-of-psychosexual-development-2795962  - Freud with his Psychosexual stages