Netflix's Love Is Blind has us wondering what a healthy level of emotional availability is

When you first start dating someone, how quickly do you talk about your feelings?

Your answer might depend on how much you value 'emotional availability': your capacity to share your own, or sit with another person's, emotions (the good and bad).

Watching Netflix's Love is Blind has sent me down a rabbit hole to try and unpack all this.

In the reality series, singles try to find their match without ever seeing each other face-to-face. Rather, they build emotional connections by talking through a wall.

A moment that stuck with me (and the rest of the internet) is when contestant Jessica said it was a "red flag" her match Mark was "very emotionally available".

Fans of the show have mocked Jessica for complaining about her partner being too 'open'.

But what does it mean to be emotionally available — and is it a bad thing, really?

Turns out, experts say emotional availability is a balancing act.

Too much, and you risk crossing boundaries and setting yourself up for disappointment. Not enough, and you may struggle to form a solid connection.

I asked three relationship experts to explain. Here's their advice on how to strike a healthy balance.

What makes someone emotionally available?

Emotional availability is a person's ability to share feelings with another person and be open to those of others, says Sian Khuman, a psychologist and couple's therapist.

Dr Zac Seidler is clinical psychologist and men's mental health advocate. He says whether you share too much, or not at all, often stems from the same place: insecurity.

"Someone might come in and give all of themselves in the relationship, including throwing their weaknesses out there as a defence mechanism," he says.

Getting it all on the table early is their way of diving in, without checking the depth, of a relationship beforehand.

On the flipside, Dr Seidler says, "you come into a relationship looking for attachment but in that same breath minimise it by closing up shop to avoid getting hurt".

Whatever your style, it's often a result of your upbringing or past relationships.

How much emotion is too much?

In Love Is Blind, Jessica saw Mark's openness as a "red flag". For someone else, it may have been a welcome level of emotional availability.

Knowing where to draw the line depends on the dynamics of your relationship.

"You don't need to pull back if it's matched by the other person," Dr Seidler says.

"If you ask them about the parameters of what is good for them, and they don't feel smothered, then you are good to go."

Ms Khuman agrees.

"If you get the message, 'Yes this person can be reciprocal with me and they feel comfortable sharing too', then [you] can take the next step."

It's only a problem when the level of emotional availability isn't matched.

"Subjugation is putting your partner's needs, desires and preferences over your own."

She says a mismatch of emotional availability in a relationship leads to an imbalance of power, authenticity and integrity.

"Maybe you've said 'I love you' and she hasn't," Dr Seidler says.

Being forward and not having that reciprocated can come across as needy, he adds.

Striking a balance

If you feel like you can be too quick to give all of yourself to someone, Relationships Australia NSW counsellor Matt Garrett recommends making sure other parts of your life don't suffer for the new relationship.

"You may need a bit of a reality check. There is definitely lust at first sight, but not love at first sight," he says.

Those who put everything into a newfound relationship could experience "distance between family and friends".

"They might quit their job and relocate."

Mr Garrett advises against making "big decisions" in the beginning of a relationship.

"Don't throw away Friday night football — keep everything as is as much as possible."

Ms Khuman says even though you may like someone a lot, or want to please that person, it's important to remember you don't have to disclose everything at once.

"Share parts of you, rather than everything or nothing at all," she says. "Relationships don't feel good if they're imbalanced."

You can also talk to the other person about their boundaries to make sure you're on the same page.

"Remember that each person in a relationship has come from a family that has different levels of emotional awareness and expression," Ms Khuman says.