Be a Pronoun Ally
Today is International Pronouns Day
Pronouns are so fundamental to how we talk with and about each other every day that we often don't think about them.
But for trans* and gender-variant people, pronouns can be a constant source of discomfort and for some, a reminder everyday of a society which has excluded them.
To use the correct pronouns for someone is to show them basic inclusion and respect.
How can I approach pronouns in a way that creates inclusion for everyone?
1) Ask about them (and make sure you listen)
If you aren't sure of someone's pronouns, ask about them. Don't assume, and never debate someone on their pronouns.
When you can't ask and aren't sure, default to using gender neutral pronouns such as 'they' and/or use the person's name.
2) Normalise them (even if it seems obvious)
Introduce yourself with pronouns even if you think they are obvious to others, include them in your email signature and social profiles.
This normalises the concept of pronouns in society and helps take some of the (what can be emotionally draining and daunting) work away from transitioning and/or gender-variant people of having to explain them.
3) Get used to being uncomfortable about them as you learn
Language is weird.
When learning the new pronouns of someone you've known a while you might get it wrong.
When starting to use gender-neutral pronouns in everyday conversation, it might initially feel strange to say.
In reality, the only way to get it right is to accept you might (and probably will) get it wrong while you're learning. While you may have some minor discomfort as you get used to a new way of referring to someone, you will get better with practice. And as we all individually get better, we stand to remove some of the major discomforts faced everyday by those whose pronouns might not seem "obvious."
Get it wrong? Correct yourself. Try again.
Hear someone get another person's pronouns wrong? Don't guilt them about it, simply correct them and move on.
Additional info
If you're keen to help normalise the use of pronouns, you can start using your pronouns in your email signature.
- For those in the NZ Public Service, Te Kawa Mataaho has a resource you can hyperlink to which provides context for their use: Pronoun use in email signatures
Gender and Pronoun Guide (University of Connecticut)
Gender-Specific and Gender-Neutral Pronouns Infographic
Rainbow Youth - How to be a trans ally
Rainbow Youth - Queer and Trans 101
Rainbow Tick: Resources describing sexual orientation and gender identity.